Who invited HIM? » Zsa http://whoinvitedHIM.com Confessions of a Hollywood Party Crasher -- The Truth Behind the Gossip Sat, 31 Oct 2009 06:59:23 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= Heather Locks Lips with Less-than Latino Lover and LOVES It http://whoinvitedHIM.com/2006/07/23/ http://whoinvitedHIM.com/2006/07/23/#comments Thu, 06 Jul 2006 19:46:18 +0000 bradcerenzia http://whoinvitedHIM.com/2006/07/06/23/ heatherlocklear.jpgHeather! Word on the street is that you’ve been spending a lot of time with David “Finch” Spade – a well-dressed boy and possibly a member of a Hollywood Gay Mafia. And imagine my (tasteful) surprise and (delicate) confusion when you showed up to my pool party dressed like a chola and with a HUGE tattoo emblazened in olde english across your chest that said “DAVID”. I was like, “Heather, what’s the 411 on your 911?” “It’s love.” And that’s all that you would say! And I was like, “LOVE?” And you were like, “LOVE!” And she had this far-away look in her eyes (it wasn’t percocet, I checked her purse when she was in the bathroom) that I’ve only seen once before in my life – a story for another time. “Love,” you said. “Love,” she said. Sigh. Not this again, Heather.

She’s apparently fallen hard for Spade, and I wouldn’t have believed it until I heard it straight from Zsa (who does all the makeup for the stars) – but Spade’s totally got this thing for tough latinas and so she begged Zsa to user her schooled-in-the-streets-tough smarts to make her into a chola, which for those of you outside of Cali is basically like a latina who is tough. Take Penelope Cruz and mate her with Angelina Jolie and sprinkle in a tiny perjury (less than a year, more than nine months) of L’il Kim. ¡Bam! Chola.

Still, I was kind of surprised by her new ‘look’. Why put on so much black eyeliner if you’re just going to smear white eyeshadow over it? And that olde english tattoo and the big arm tattoo … are those henna? NOPE. It’s permanent! And those earrings – solid steel and very … large.

We had a scare later in the evening when everyone jumped into the pool. Heather forgot to take off her earrings and it turns out that they were really, really heavy and she couldn’t swim back up to the top. Luckily Missy Elliot was there to give her the Breath of Life to bring her back around! I didn’t realize there was so much tongue involved. Apparently Missy likes the latinas, too?

While she was passed out, I did a little exploring and it turns out that all that blonde hair is really hers(!!) – I owe you $20, Zsa!! And I also found out that the really cute “Ricky” tattoo she had on her left hip is now completely covered by a ROSE! And on her ankle where she had a red heart wrapped in a vine … are you sitting down? … there’s now a little word in script above it! Any guesses, little tweeters? That’s right! “FINCH!” The name of Spade’s character on Just Shoot Me. Awww. A fling is a wonderful thing, especially when it involves tattoos and nuevoenculturation.

I took some other photos while she was passed out, but those are just insurance in case she fess up to The Thing She Did. This is what happens when you steal my new issue of Entertainment Weekly when I go to refill your Crystal Lite, Heather. I saw it stuffed down your leggings when you walked out! Don’t shake your head – we both know you did it.

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