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Archive for the 'IHOP' Category

Heene “JiffyPop” Family’s Hoax Gone Bad – Seeks Babysitting Fee Reimbursement

What kind of idiot family keeps a homemade helium aircraft tied up in their backyard? The Heene Family, apparently. And that is the last time I ever babysit for them. I originally met the Heenes when they did a Wife Swap episode with me and Connie Chung, who was posing as my wife so she [...]


Madonna’s (Second) New Baby’s First Birthday Party!

‘Pop’ diva Madonna left Malawi today after receiving official permission to adopt a one-year-old boy from the impoverished southern African country. The first kid that she adopted she threw a “surprise party” for, but as you can see from the video I took at that party, Madonna and the little kid just weren’t clicking (or [...]


Starr Jones is Off the Market

Well, her condo is anyway. Here’s one of the pics I snapped outside before we went in to the buffet (she has a King’s Table buffet line installed in her house – her own buffet line!). I can’t believe it was on the market for that long and no one bought it! I told her [...]


Reese Still Crying Chanel Tears

I’m sitting at the cafe that I like to go to every now and again when Goldie and I meet up for a light lunch. Goldie doesn’t mind that I’m typing furiously into my SideKick (the one I ‘borrowed’ from PH), because she just had botox injections and entertains herself by chomping loudly on fresh, [...]


Christie Brinkley in Tears, Wipes Them on Her Sleeve

Today I was supposed to go with Courtney Love to what we call “pancake rehab” (IHOP) and she’s really fussy if I don’t show up when I tell her I’m going to pick her up, but with traffic in LA and that stupid slow Starbucks drive-through near her house (I have to bring her a [...]


Jenny+Jim+Jorge Kloset Kiss Skandal!

Jenny parked the car at the party in Malibu tonight because she doesn’t trust the valets and Jim doesn’t tip the valets anyway. That continues to be a stupid point of contention between them. So there I am sitting in the back of her icky green Le Sabre listening to them bicker in their stupid [...]


Ann Coulter Gets Feeling(s?) Hurt

Damn it, Adam Carolla! Now that you’ve got your stupid ass radio show you think you can big-time anyone you want and be such a jerk because it gets such good ratings, but did you have to be so damned mean to little Ann? You should have heard Ann Coulter sobbing in the bathroom after [...]


Paris in Bed with ME!

PH called me yesterday after reading about my going to IHOP with Nicole. Apparently she wasn’t too happy and I was “summoned” to her apartment. I thought she was going to cry like last time and beg for my friendship (“No one understands what it’s like to be meeee but you!”) but instead when I [...]


Nicole’s taking me on a cruise … if she becomes a fatty!

Apparently Nicole’s dad, Lionel, thinks she’s too thin and we’re to blame. She just called me and told me that he said if she put on some “meat” that she’d get a free trip on a yacht. That really pisses me off. All this time we’re doing all the hard work to at least make [...]