1. Barbara Walters‘ speech impediment is fake. She made it up at a college party as a gag when drunk – but her friends loved it so she kept it!

2. Elizabeth Hasselbeck drinks the blood of orphans before each show along with a danish (low carb please!!!) while singing the national anthem in reverse. Guess who she voted for … twice! Too many “love punches” from her Dubby hubby?

3. You lose 2500 brain cells each episode you watch, but they’re from the ‘childrearing’ portion of the brain and are mostly fatty cells … so you’re actually losing weight!

4. Starr Jones is a hologram developed by the good folks at Payless and Burger King to send out subliminal messages every time she refers to herself as a lawyer

5. Rosie O demands a fresh koosh ball at the beginning of each show, which mysteriously disappears from her dressing room and reappears after the show, sticky and much less “kooshy”.